GET OFF THE PHONE

M. April is a great time for talking about the foolish things we do. I’ll go first. I’m such a fool that I’ll lie on a massage table for an excruciating hour as a masseuse gently sloshes oil over my body, rather than asking she use stronger pressure (and thereby possibly offending her). I’m also the fool that allows her hairdresser of many years to blow-dry her hair in a style that I abhor rather than explain (because I’m such a wimp) how I prefer it be done. But enough about my foolish antics. What about all those technically challenged people out there who receive a group email and then rather than simply hitting “reply,” they hit “reply all,” causing your inbox to be flooded with hundreds of responses that are totally irrelevant to anyone but the sender? Come on people: This is Emailing 101. (FYI: The sender could avoid this situation by putting the addressees in the “bcc” box rather than the “to” box.)

J. I can certainly relate to overflowing inboxes. These days we are inundated with ways to communicate with one other – email, text message, Skype, cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It’s convenient yes, but the expectations for immediate response are immense. It’s just become a huge burden and responsibility. I get so tired of getting binged, instant-messaged and buzzed. I’m too “LinkedIn.” I’ve watched my girls (who are of dating age) struggle with this. If they text their boyfriends and don’t get a response right away, they are out-of-sorts and offended. The questions begin: Why isn’t he answering me? Why is he ignoring me? What is he doing? Does he still love me? I just look at them quizzically and say, “ I don’t know, maybe he’s taking a shower?” What happened to the alluring aspect of waiting?

M. Exactly! Don’t girls today know that the males of the species enjoy being the hunters? They don’t want their prey simply to fall down and roll over (i.e., text them every couple of seconds). They want to pursue them, to give chase. It makes them feel manlier. Plus, don’t you wonder what they talk about when they see each other face-to-face after they’ve been texting for hours every day? All this instant communication is tedious and leaves nothing to the imagination. Mystery is the name of the game when it comes to love and lust. Just ask my husband, who never seems to be able to reach me when he wants to. It drives him crazy (but in a good way).

J. I’m still amused when I see a group of teenagers, sitting around a table texting, their faces glued to a blue screen in sheer rapture, instead of talking to one another. I mean, who are they face-timing, inboxing/MMS-ing for God’s sake? And if they are so uninterested in the people they are with, why are they there with them anyway? Personally, I think the IPhone has taken the place of the cigarette. It’s become the new high-tech social pacifier. But hey, I’m as guilty as the next guy. I’m very attached to my phone, perhaps too attached. It’s kind of creepy. The world just seems “right” when I have it in my back pocket. I recently read an article about Apple, and how it developed the iPhone. It seems the company consulted neuroscientists and learned that when you interact with the IPhone, the same parts of the brain are stimulated as when you fall in love. So in essence you fall in love with your phone. If you ask people, they will tell you that their phone is the first thing they reach for in the morning and the last thing they touch before they go to bed, and that they feel anxious when they don’t have it near them. Beam me up, Scotty.

M. Speaking of foolishness and ignoring those you’re with, I was recently seated at an upscale restaurant when I had to excuse myself to use the restroom. On my stroll across the dinning room, a man who was in his late 50s or early 60s – and who was seated with two much younger women – had the audacity to look me up and down repeatedly as if I were a piece of raw meat. His actions were so blatant that his companions both turned around to see who I was. (I’m sure they were mightily disappointed). I found his leering disrespectful and rude, not to mention incredibly insulting to his dinner companions (who may or may not have been on the payroll, if you know what I mean). If I looked like Sophia Vergara, I could certainly understand his lapse in decorum and decency (as I’d probably be doing the same thing). But this was nothing more than a fool acting incredibly foolish. I had a sudden urge to lob my iPhone at him, but he already had one stuck to his head.

J. People, be it driving, dining or dating…get off the phone!

Wag Up

The Iranian movie “A Separation” – extraordinary. Rent it today. (M)
Playing pranks on April Fools’ Day. Last year my children and I had set up so many traps in the bathroom for my husband (putting salt in his toothpaste, for example), that by the time he had gotten to the kitchen, he was truly nervous to drink his coffee. (And for good reason: We had substituted buttermilk for his half and half). Ha. (J)

Wag Down

Those stupid little stickers that they put on individual pieces of fruit. (M)
When you buy a piece of clothing and they forget to take those darn sensor things off. (J)