The circle of (fashion) life

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M – Skylar, tell me your honest opinion of my fashion choices. Because I have vivid memories of being horrified by my mother’s wild and mod ’60s’ outfits – bouffant hairdos (styled on various wigs perched on Styrofoam heads around our bathroom) and huge neon-colored hoop earrings – and I wonder if you’ve had similar reactions to some of my “looks?”

S –Other than the few pair of kitten heels I recently insisted you toss, I like your style – obviously, since I spend a lot of time browsing in your closet. You change your hairstyle and look with what’s trending. But a lot of women your age and older either don’t seem to care about their looks or they’re stuck in another time period. It’s not about trying to look younger, it’s about looking the best you can with what you have. A quick makeover would go a long way. I advise getting rid of the gray, updating your haircut and getting out of the granny pants. You don’t have to spend a fortune to be current. Just go to Century 21, Supercuts and CVS for some hair dye.

M –The styles that your generation are sporting that I have a problem with are exposed bra straps (my mom told me they were slutty and that has stuck with me); those awful harem pants (Justin Bieber, what are you thinking?); or worse yet, those pants that hang halfway off a guy’s butt and give you no hint at what might be underneath (I’m talking backside not front side); and prepsters that wear their collars up – although I can’t put this on your generation as it’s been going on for quite a few decades but seems to have made a resurgence among the new boy bands.

A-I seem to be having the opposite problem with my mom lately, since we have become about the same size. I can’t keep her out of my closet. Every time I’m missing something, I know right where to look. But I guess that’s what I get for having “borrowed” her stuff for years. My big beef with my mom’s generation is that they aren’t funky enough. I love it when women look cool and elegant. I don’t feel that you have to choose between the two.

J-Well Miss Adrianna, I am glad to see that you are using the word “borrow” loosely. Because I don’t remember ever getting anything that you “borrowed” back. And I am enjoying the fact that I can now “borrow” from you, too. But I never really minded when you raided my closet. Most of my things look better on you anyway. The only request that I have is that you stop taking my razor. It seems that every time I get in the shower and go to shave my legs, it’s missing in action. At the end of the day, it won’t matter what I wear if my legs look like the hair there could be braided. Yikes. As far as your generation goes, I think that if young girls want to wear 6-inch heels, they should know how to walk in them gracefully. If you are tripping all over the place, it kind of ruins the whole effect that you are trying to achieve. I’m just saying.

M – When I walk into my closet and find that the outfit I’d planned to wear has been abducted by Skylar, I think about the wisdom I gleaned from one of my favorite books. (There’s a segue here – just stick with me.) The book is called “Mutant Message Down Under” and it’s about a doctor who rather mysteriously finds herself on a walkabout with aborigines in the Australian outback. On her first day out she’s literally covered in mosquito bites and beyond distraught. Her aboriginal guide explains that the mosquitos are taking miniscule amounts of blood from her and that later those same mosquitos will be eaten by birds that with any luck they will be feasting on that evening. It’s the cycle of life: Sometimes you have to give to get. As they say, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery and there’s no doubt that Skylar looks way hotter than I do in anything she chooses from my closet.

J – Oh, speaking of imitation: Enough with the checker-shirted, tight jeaned “Hipster/Seattle” indie grunge look. Nirvana hasn’t been around for decades. Let’s move on people. When some of those guys (who have put on a few extra pounds) try to squeeze into those skinny pants, they look like an F3 twister touching down. (Think funnel.)

Wag Up

M – Afros. They are back and better than ever.

J – Rompers and jumpsuits. I hate having to match up an outfit. I don’t even take the time to coordinate my undergarments. It’s all just too exhausting and time-consuming. Or maybe I’ve just been married a really long time. Sorry, honey.

Wag Down

M – Any ensemble Lady Gaga puts together.

J – Girls who wear their dresses too short or their jeans too low. I don’t want to see their thongs or buttocks sticking out in either direction.

Email Class&Sass at marthaandjen@wagmag.com. You may also follow Martha and Jen on Facebook at Wag Classandsass or access all of their conversations online at wagmag.com.

 

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