THINKING OUTSIDE ‘THE BOX’

The Box, spa torture, adult entertainment, adult Halloween parties

WAG’s theme this month is “Festive Fantasies.” I don’t know about festive, but if you’re idea of a fantasy is stepping out of your comfort zone (while checking your morals at the door), then run, don’t walk, to The Box (189 Chrystie Street in Manhattan). Providing particulars will spoil the experience, but a few adjectives I’ll throw around are “lustful,” “sinful” and “naughty!” It’s an especially great place to spend your birthday – if you want it to be a memorable one. I would suggest you enjoy a late dinner downtown and then proceed to The Box before the first show starts at 1 a.m. (Tuesdays are the most popular nights – or I guess I should say, mornings!). If your wallet allows, I’d recommend you reserve a table, which will afford you excellent service and an unobstructed view of the stage. Intrigued? Book it before you forget. But don’t plan on doing much the next day. It can be exhausting traveling to another dimension!

J – Been there, done that and loved it! Although, I hear that some patrons of this pleasure palace do not, like a buddy of mine who paid for VIP seats and got urinated on by one of the actors. (Yes, this was part of the show that night). So, even though I do love the occasional burlesque show, I usually fantasize about spending a relaxing day at a spa, being exfoliated, massaged, buffed and pampered, which reminds me of an experience I had recently that was far from relaxing or sublime.

Some friends of ours gave us a gift certificate for a day at a famous spa retreat in the city. It was called the “Asian experience.” Madonna supposedly frequented this place. We were excited but had no idea what to expect. It seemed tranquil enough upon entering. Doctors and alternative therapists who practiced acupuncture, Thai massage, hydrotherapy and other assorted treatments ran it. It was well-known and respected.

We changed into our fancy robes, sat down in the well-appointed lobby and waited, clueless to the five hours of living hell that would “lye” ahead of us. We were ushered into a “chamber,” offered tea and asked to relax. It was the last time that we would do so for the rest of our stay. And so it began. Needles stuck into our necks that were then attached to what sounded and felt like a battery; women, hanging from straps, digging their feet into our backs as we groaned in agony; being submerged in and alternating between ice whirlpools and hot saunas, and then – when I thought it couldn’t get any worse – a tiny man came in and started jamming and twisting his fingers deep into my ears. I winced in pain.

The Box, spa torture, adult entertainment, adult Halloween parties

WAG’s theme this month is “Festive Fantasies.” I don’t know about festive, but if you’re idea of a fantasy is stepping out of your comfort zone (while checking your morals at the door), then run, don’t walk, to The Box (189 Chrystie Street in Manhattan). Providing particulars will spoil the experience, but a few adjectives I’ll throw around are “lustful,” “sinful” and “naughty!” It’s an especially great place to spend your birthday – if you want it to be a memorable one. I would suggest you enjoy a late dinner downtown and then proceed to The Box before the first show starts at 1 a.m. (Tuesdays are the most popular nights – or I guess I should say, mornings!). If your wallet allows, I’d recommend you reserve a table, which will afford you excellent service and an unobstructed view of the stage. Intrigued? Book it before you forget. But don’t plan on doing much the next day. It can be exhausting traveling to another dimension!

J – Been there, done that and loved it! Although, I hear that some patrons of this pleasure palace do not, like a buddy of mine who paid for VIP seats and got urinated on by one of the actors. (Yes, this was part of the show that night). So, even though I do love the occasional burlesque show, I usually fantasize about spending a relaxing day at a spa, being exfoliated, massaged, buffed and pampered, which reminds me of an experience I had recently that was far from relaxing or sublime.

Some friends of ours gave us a gift certificate for a day at a famous spa retreat in the city. It was called the “Asian experience.” Madonna supposedly frequented this place. We were excited but had no idea what to expect. It seemed tranquil enough upon entering. Doctors and alternative therapists who practiced acupuncture, Thai massage, hydrotherapy and other assorted treatments ran it. It was well-known and respected.

We changed into our fancy robes, sat down in the well-appointed lobby and waited, clueless to the five hours of living hell that would “lye” ahead of us. We were ushered into a “chamber,” offered tea and asked to relax. It was the last time that we would do so for the rest of our stay. And so it began. Needles stuck into our necks that were then attached to what sounded and felt like a battery; women, hanging from straps, digging their feet into our backs as we groaned in agony; being submerged in and alternating between ice whirlpools and hot saunas, and then – when I thought it couldn’t get any worse – a tiny man came in and started jamming and twisting his fingers deep into my ears. I winced in pain.

The only thing that got me through it was knowing that Chris, my husband, would have to endure the same torture. I’m so mean! We stumbled out onto the streets of Manhattan, feeling as if we had been wrung out, like a damp dishcloth. We would have laughed at the experience, but it hurt too much to do so. I immediately tried to think of whom I could give the same gift of love to. I’m SO mean!

M – Was this friend Greek by any chance? Because you know what they say, “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts,” (e.g. Trojan Horse). In either case, you can keep me off your gift list. I had a similar “spa” experience the day before my wedding. I was gifted a shiatsu massage by my maid-of-honor. I knew she didn’t want me to get married, but I had no idea she would go to such lengths to stop me. It was nothing short of sadistic. I could barely walk down the aisle the next day, and I had bruises everywhere, which did not make my photographer or my groom particularly happy.

________________________________________

Wag Up:

• Adult Halloween Parties. They allow me to channel my inner Madonna or Katy Perry annually! (M)

• The miraculous MesoLift at The Park Avenue Medical Spa in Armonk, for those of you who want your neck to look 10 years younger! I kid you not. I love my turkey as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to be mistaken as one. Gobble, gobble. (J)

Wag Down

• Bad horror movies. Didn’t “Jaws” teach us anything? Seeing the fear on an actor’s face is way scarier than seeing whatever it is that’s scaring them. (M)

• Sales attendants that stalk you while you are shopping in their boutiques. When I figure out what I want, I’ll call you over. You’re creeping me out! (J)

Email Class & Sass at marthaandjen@wagmag.com. You can also follow Martha and Jen on Facebook at Jennifer Pappas Wag Writer.

5 Comments

  • Wagger says:

    thinking outside “the box”
    Well done ladies.
    Thinking outside “the box” goes straight to Halloween Parties that are my absolutely favorite. I love making myself look impossible to recognize and wish others did too… outside “the box” is not an elegant lady dressed in a perfect princess costume, seriously i want to see you as the opposite otherwise its not fun. Wear something that when you walk in people think you are a stranger crashing the party.

    Speaking of the spa experience there is a new beautiful one open in Bedford called Bellava MedAsthetics & Spa that offers recommended on “The Doctors” show hydrofacial treatmens – fenomenal for your skin.

    Looking forward to your Christmas article.
    Posted by MB November 11, 2011 07:21:21

  • Wagger says:

    Thinking outside “the box”
    Burlesque shows, The Box???? You girls are so naughty. Who knew? Sounds like a fun night out sans the golden shower. Totally agree with you on the stalker sales attendants. I love to go into those types if shops and move the hangers all around while the frantic sales people try to slink up behind me and readjust them. I think it’s hilarious. Pure entertainment! Keep up the funny articles ladies.
    Posted by JH November 12, 2011 23:28:50

  • Wagger says:

    Your too funny. Party animal!!!
    Look at you mommy! your articles are so funny! your such a little party animal! who knew ?? haha . Love yoU!!
    -Peggy poo
    Posted by Peggy November 13, 2011 20:14:18

  • Wagger says:

    Wag up Ladies!!!
    I really enjoy reading your articles. The Box was super cool from the moment I stepped in. The decor is really nice. The Strippers at ‘The Box” were beautiful and sultry like the band Vanity 6. I fell in love with the midgets too. I wanted to sneak one in my clutch and run away with him. =0)
    If anyone has a top 10 list of things to do in a life time, an experience at the Box is one of them! Ouch, your spa experience sounds horrifying. At least you and your husband survived. I feel bad for those individuals who receive gift certificates from that spa. 😉
    Posted by Lourdes H. November 14, 2011 22:16:06

  • Wagger says:

    Entertainment
    Oh my gosh, The Box sounds like such fun, but do they have early bird Shows for those of us who work for a living? I don’t know if I can stay up at that hour. As for the spa experience, I do pity both you and your husband. Like a horror flick, who wants to pay to experience a bad nightmare? Madonna may like it rough but she is doing so much right! My husband and I discovered her osteopath who just moved here from Paris. He sticks us with needles, uses cupping, lasers, moves bones and other assorted torturous treats, but when you leave, you feel like your floating on a cloud!
    Can’t wait till next month’s article, can you girls do two a month? Xo
    Posted by Marisa November 15, 2011 23:15:21

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