Keeping abreast

J) I’ve been thinking a lot lately about implants. There are just so many options nowadays. There are chin implants and breast implants, calf, cheek and penal implants, hair implants, lip implants and even the bottom-pad-of-your-foot implants. But the one that confuses me the most is the butt implant. I mean, I get the idea of it and why someone would want one, but doesn’t it shift when sat upon? Let’s face it: There is quite a bit of action that goes on down there. I’d be afraid, that over time, one of those suckers would end up wrong ended.


(M) I’ve got plenty of curves (mostly in the wrong places), so the idea of adding anything extra in the form of implants hasn’t crossed my mind. However, I’ve heard that they can sometimes work to one’s advantage. Did you hear about the Israeli model who was bitten by a snake on her surgically enhanced breast and it promptly died of silicone poisoning? Or the widow who had her husband’s ashes sewn into her breast implants so she could keep him close to her heart? Or how about the woman who was stabbed in the chest by a blue marlin but was saved by her implants?


(J) It’s a trade-off, I guess. Personally, I’ve always wanted larger breasts. My mom is well-endowed, as are my sisters. I was the “lucky” one who got passed over by the “boob fairy.” I don’t look as bodacious in a bikini as I’d like to, but I do get to sport those slinky, low-cut dresses that you have to wear sans bra. You just can’t have it all.  And the girls that look  like that they do have it all, don’t. No one does.


M) So true with everything in life. Looks can be quite deceiving, but I’d take deception any day rather than go under the knife unnecessarily.  The breasts I present to the world and those I see reflected in my mirror barely resemble one another, but thanks in part to my fashionista daughter, I’ve learned how to take my aging breasts and make them appear perky and voluptuous. As far as bras for correcting this issue go, I don’t think you can go wrong with Victoria Secret’s Push-Up and Bombshell lines. And for those sexy, more revealing outfits I’ve learned to wear those plastic, silicone, strapless adhesive bras or those little chicken cutlet things. And lately I’ve discovered Bring It Up Breast Shapers. They aren’t very user-friendly, but you can get them to work if you give yourself an extra half-hour to get ready. What I’d really like to see more of is dresses (at least in the higher-end clothing lines) with built-in bras and slips. Thank you, Missoni.


(J) They have become quite creative with undergarments. The choices seem to be endless. I always chuckle when I remember bra shopping with one of my sisters, who is a size D.  She must have taken a hundred of those torturous binding devices into that tiny dressing room. They were flooding into the hallway. We were in there for an hour – she breaking a sweat from working so hard, me laughing hysterically from watching her. She ended up, after all of that effort, buying just one. I, in comparison, usually buy my brassieres online. Like I said, it’s a trade off. And as far as cosmetic surgery is concerned, if it makes you feel better about yourself, why not? It’s almost as if you are at a disadvantage nowadays if you don’t do something.  I can just about guarantee you that most of your friends are getting tweaked in one way or another. They just might not be telling you. I do, however, believe that less is more when it comes to messing around with oneself. Some of the lips out there look like they’re ready to explode.


M) I really try not to judge the choices anyone makes in this area and who knows how I’ll feel in the future, but for now I’m choosing to embrace rather than deny the natural aging process. I’ll be the poster girl for what an unenhanced 50-plus woman looks like.


Wag Up


(J) Plastic surgeon, Dr. Gregory Brucato. The go-to guy for the most natural results to be had. And he has his own accredited and licensed, state-of-the-art operating facility in-house.


(M) Hanky Panky underwear – comfy, sexy and now they come in really fun colors.



Wag Down


(J) Too much filling, plumping, nipping or tucking. It should look like your rested, no reworked.


(M)  Telephone solicitations . So much for that “Do Not Call” registry.


Email Class&Sass at You may also follow Martha and Jen on Facebook, at WAG classandsass or access all of their conversations online at


Written By
More from Class Sass
J- Well, another year has come and gone and I am sitting...
Read More
Join the Conversation

1 Comment

  1. says: Marisa

    Hi Ladies! I have been a 36 c since age 13 and have always preferred a smaller chest! That said, I will occasionally use a push up when required. That said, I think adding to my breast mass adds another 5 or 10 lbs. to my already too full figured appearance! As of late, I have focused on my thin non padded bras in an effort to emulate the smaller Farrah Fawcet look of the 70s! What will all these ladies do when the trend leans back to smaller? And forget the tush implants! That said, Botox and filler are my best friends and I don’t hide it!! My lips have been left alone thought. I’ll leave the sink plunger look for others!

Leave a comment
Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *